On My Mind

Life...

Has been on my mind a lot lately, like what is going to happen in it and what am I going to do.

PLANS: I plan on working this summer and saving as much money as I can for School in the Fall. I want to go to SLCC for two years and switch over to The U for the rest of my teaching degree. I will stay at The U for two years then I will get a job at a school as a first grade teacher and stay for another two years at The U earning my Masters. Why First Grade Teacher?! I have though really long and hard about what I want to do. I wasn't able to go to college right outta High School because of my health issues I was having so I had a lot of time to really thing of what I wanted to do. For a while I wanted to be a Child Physiologist because I have been through a lot in my life and I feel like I could help children get past some life problems. Almost all my friends come to me for advice and I love to help them out. I decided not to choose that career because I feel like after awhile it could bring me down hearing kids problems, that's when I decided to look into teaching. At first I couldn't decide between first grade or special ed high school. I did a lot of research and thinking and I decided I would be best at first grade. I'm great with kids and I wanna make a difference in their life's even though they might not remember me I know I made a difference!

CHRIS...

I don't think he ever leaves my mind.

 Chris is always in my mind but lately I have been thinking about him a lot. We have had a rough patch lately but it has just been a bump and it is passing. These rough patches only help us get to know each other more and grow stronger. Chris makes me smile in my lowest times and no one has been able to do that before. There are times when I want to kill him be overall I really love him. I honestly don't think I could find someone that loves me as much as he does. He puts up with so much and still smiles and sticks around. Yeah I have to put up with some of his stuff but it doesn't match up yo my pain in the ass-ness haha. He has been away the past few days and it has given me time to think about him and how truly lucky I am to have him. I know everyone says that about their boyfriends but I really mean it. When I try and think of life without him it kills me. He is what brings out the happiness in me! I hope he sees how happy he makes me and I hope I make him just as happy :) :)

KOOPA...

Somebody that I used to know.

Alright so my new favorite song is Somebody I used to know by Gotye. There is just one problem with the song. It really makes me think of someone.... The song describes us perfectly. I wish this person would realize that I care for them still and that I wanna move on and be friends. We always promised each other that we would remain best friends no matter what happens. I wish people would keep their promises or just not make them. It hurts that they just completely dropped me and now treats me like I don't exist. I saw this person last week for the first time in months and I didn't feel hurt because we aren't what we once were but I was hurt because we aren't what we promised.  I'm so happy with my life right now and I can see that they are happy with theirs too! I don't see why we can't be friends. I'm over what happened and I've moved on, but I want things to go back to how they were 9th grade summer, I want you to be my friend Koopa! If you ever read this (doubt it) I hope that you come to realize I'm not trying any funny business I'm being completely honest! I'm sick of pretending I don't care about you because I do.. JUST AS A FRIEND.... I just don't want to be somebody that you used to know.... These lyrics fit perfect!

Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

MY HEALTH

I just wanna figure it out

Beginning: So I don't think I have ever blogged about my heath so here I go.. Some summers ago I went to St. George with Brian. On the way home I fell asleep in the car. When I woke up I saw weird little spotty things in my right eye, I just ignored it. A few months passed and the little spots were getting bigger, I was too busy with life to care though. Finally two months passed and my vision was really blurry so I told my mom about it. She said we will go in. I ended up just moving on and not going in (I'm dumb) another few months passed and I had gone completely blind in my right eye. Finally my mom made an appointment with my doctor. We went in and my doctor looked at it and said that I need to go up to the Moran Center and see doctor Vitlie because he is the best in Utah. Well I went there and he looked at it and was shocked at how bad it was. I did a bunch of test and found out that I have Uvites. One problem though, Uvites is only caused by something else like MS or Lupis. So many tests: The next year of my life was HELL!! I was ALWAYS sick, no not just sometimes always. I would blackout and pass out. Sometimes my body would just give up and I would stay in bed all day. Every week I would go to a new doctor and be tested with EVERYTHING and nothing ever came up. Doctors were so confused by what was going on with me they would always send me to a new doctor. Almost every doctor would guess Lupis because I have the symptoms and it runs in both sides of the family but the test came back negative. They put me on the meds that made my vision come back but it was only getting rid of the vision lose not fixing the problem. Now: I still get sick and my vesion is once again getting bad. I honestly don't know what to do?! I'm not as bad as I was a year ago but every now and then the pains and the sickness comes back. I have been really worried about it lately..... It keeps me up at night and just scares me. Having something wrong with you that is this serious but you don't know what it is SUCKS!! I just want someone to find out what wrong with me!

SO MUCH MORE

I'm going crazy haha.

 My mind honestly wont stop thinking about EVERYTHING. I know I'm over thinking a bunch of things but I really can't help it. I have so much more on my mind but the other stuff is just little stuff like finding a freaking job haha. The stuff I mentioned above is the main stuff that's on my mind! I just needed to get it all outta my head! Sorry if it was boring! 

That's all folks! Have a great day/night!! :)