Me, myself and I!

Hey lovely folks that take the time to read about my very strange life. From the dramas to the bliss of life that keeps me smiling. Life is a wonderful thing and it's time I start living it my way. This post is going to be about me and my plans for my life now that I am a single lady. If you don't care about me, I highly suggest clicking the back button! Enjoy my little darlings!

The first change I am making to my life is I AM STAYING SINGLE, no doubt in that. I haven't stayed single long enough in my life to really know who I am so that is what I am doing. Only one thing would change that and it isn't happening so no worries. I wanna learn MY dislikes and likes in life without anyone affecting them, make since? I wanna learn what I love to do and who I love to be. I shouldn't have someone else build my life, I should be building it. I'm not saying that the stuff that my past boyfriends have brought into my life and I have learned to love isn't me, I'm just saying I want to love it because like to do it, listen to it, watch it, so forth not because they like it. I really just want to focus on me and learn everything about myself that I can. I don't want to get into a relationship with anyone until I am fully happy with myself. If you aren't happy with yourself and love yourself you can't make someone else happy and love them. I honestly can't wait to become the amazing person I know I can be. I want people to love to be around me. Hopefully one day I can make someone happy but first I am going to make myself happy! I'm really going to start working hard on my life and if you don't want to help me than stay outta my life! Thanks for reading my little spill. Have a GREAT day//night! 

My new chapter starts now with ME!

The end BUT the start of something new

I don't know how to start this post off.... I lost the most amazing guy a girl could ask for, what else is there to say? I guess this post will be about why I lost him and the plans now. Here I go:

About our relationship

 Honestly I can say that Chris was my best friend and he still is. Our relationship had some pretty rough spots but overall we had a great relationships. I learned so many amazing great things from Chris. I love how we could be our complete self's around each other and never have to worry about what the other person thought. Chris honestly brought out the best in me. Whenever I was upset, down or sad that kid would not only make me smile but make me feel all over better. I have never been with someone who cared so much about me before and I wish I could have realized that sooner. I also loved that whenever we did get in a argument it would pass in 5 minutes because we would end up agreeing with each other. I also love when we would be in an argument and I would be trying SO hard to be serious and he would just keep making me laugh. Talking about all this right now is making me smile SO big. I may have lost Chris as my boyfriend but he will always be my friend and we will always have the best relationship with each other. We told each other everything!! Chris really started opening up at the end of our relationship and really started sharing his feelings and telling me all about life and I don't think that is going to change just because we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. I have so many great memories with Chris that I will never forget and never feel sad about. Chris really changed my life in so many good ways and I am so happy that I can say I dated him TWICE haha. I will always have a special place for him in my heart.  

Why it ended

Ahhhhh This is where I am going to look like a horrible person. I'm not going to go into full detail but I will say it was ALL my fault. I didn't treat Chris how he deserved to be treated, not at all. I would always tell him it's the little things that mean the most.... I didn't realize I was doing a bunch of wrong little things that started to add up. When I drink I turn into the biggest flirt and it gets me in horrible trouble and that is what really did it this time. I did nothing extremely wrong all at once but over the year I have done tiny wrong things here and there. Chris has every right to be mad at me and not want to be with me. If I was in his shoes I would honestly be SOOO mad. I shouldn't have gone out and gotten drunk and flirted with a bunch of people because it lead me to bad things. I'm so sorry for my actions to ANYONE who was involved in this. I clearly wasn't thinking of the outcome of any of this.

How I feel

I feel so many emotions right now it's crazy.... I didn't think it was possible to feel this many emotions at once and all for different reasons. I will tell all of them and why I am feeling them. Sad: Because I lost the most amazing guy anyone could have because I wasn't thinking clearly and I didn't tell him the truth right away. Disappointed: I'm so disappointed in myself because I acted the way I did. Mad: Because there is nothing I can do now. Happy: Because Chris was able to do what was best for him and leave me and we are still really close. Hurt: Because I hurt Chris. Relaxed: Because everything is out and I told him the truth. Ashamed: Because of what I did. Excited: Because I can't wait to really get on a true friend level with Chris. Bugged: Because I wasn't able to confront Chris on all this someone else told him. Scared: Because I never want Chris outta my life. Alone: Because I don't have Chris holding my hand through all this and I really need him. Hope: Because maybe just maybe I will get a third time. And so much more but those are the main ones. I'm honestly OK with all of this because I know Chris wanted it and it will make him more happy, yeah I'm hurt but I will be okay. All I want right now is Chris happy, I don't care about myself. He is happy so I am happy, at least I am trying my hardest to be. But for the people worried about me or anything I'm honestly content with life right now :)

What now?

I'm going to work on becoming a better person! I'm done drinking, completely! I just don't like who I turn into when I drink and I hurt the people around me when I do, so why do it? I'm going to really start working on myself and figuring out who I am and what I want with my life. I still plan on hanging out with Chris all the time because he is my best friend. I'm going to start hanging out with people that I know care about me and want the best for me. I really just need to better my life!! I know I have a great family, great friends and Chris supporting me along the way! I know things will start to look up for me, I have a great feeling. :)

Thank you for reading and have a great night :)

First backpacking trip: Lake Blanche

Information:

When:

 June 3rd-June 4th 2012

With:

Chris York

Where:

Lake Blanche in Big Cottonwood, Mill B

Length:

3 Miles one way

Height Gain:

 2700 FT 

Pointers:

This hike can be pretty hard because of the height gain! Make sure you bring lots of water.

Lake Blanche

 What we hiked

 The amazing sunset

About our adventure!!

This was my first backpacking trip and lets just say it wont be my last. I had so much fun and it's a memory I will never forget.  The way up was really hard but well worth it. The view of all three lakes was breath taking. I'm so happy I got to experience it with Chris. We caught about 10 fish, Chris did the best at Lake Lilian using a Blue Spinner and I did the best at Lake Blanche using a Silver Spinner! I can't wait for my nest trip :)

St.George!! Brian Regan, Sand Hollow & Zions!!

I know I am posting this REALLY late but I have been busy haha. So The beginning of May Brit, Chase, Chris and I all went to St. George! Here is what we did while away!!

 May 10th

Off to St. George we go!! The ride up was pretty fun! We made a few stops and just blasted some great music. When we got to my grandparents we ate got dressed and headed to the Tucan for our show! We went and saw Brian Regan and it was AMAZING! At the girf shop I found a little giraffe with purple ears and feet (made for me) I freaked out a little. After Chris and I took a walk around and saw this little light show on the rock, it was so beautiful! After the show we went back to the grandparents and just hung out.

Chris and I in front of the stage!

The Boys!

 May 11th!

We decided to do a hike up at Zions!! When we got there we decided to do the Angles Landing hike. At first I wasn't happy about this choice because it is a very dangerous hike (5 miles (round trip), 4-5 hours, 1,488 feet, Long drop-offs) but at the end I was the one leading the group and convincing Chris to go on. It was a very scary hike but SO worth it. After that we went to all the little shops up there and just hung out. We got home in time for dinner and then we did movies! 

Brit and I in front of what we were about to hike! 

 Chris and I at the very top of Angles Landing! 

 "Yeah I just hiked that"

May 12th!

Last day here :( We decided to go to Sand Hollow and swim and see if we can catch some fish. We ended up only getting one fish and swimming the rest of the time! I love that place so much. The water was still really cold so we didn't get to enjoy it as much.  After the Lake we went back to my grandparents ate and got ready to take off home. I was sad to leave my grandparents and can't wait to go see them again! 

The group with Grandma!

I have such great grandparents and I can't wait to go stay with them again!! 

Chris' Birthday week!! 21yay!!

TUESDAY: 

 

 (Chris fishin')

BIRTHDAY!! So for Chris' actual birthday we decided to go up to Deer Creek and fish. We started the day a little late and didn't catch anything. We decided to go home and make it in time for the Flyers game. We ate dinner with the York parents and watched the game. That night we just cuddled and watched TV. I gave him his gift (You can see it on the previous post) HE LOVED IT!!  

WEDNESDAY:

 (Topaz Mountain)

Wednesday we got up got ready and headed out to Topaz Mountain, it was about a three hour drive but it was so much fun to spend that one on one time with my babe. When we got there we helped this family find a good spot to look as well. Chris was the only one that had been there before. Some people were already there getting ready to blast the mountain so that was really cool. We found a couple of really pretty Topaz!!

WEDNESDAY NIGHT:

 (Our Camping Spot)

(Chris' Birthday shot!)

(Love)

(Our Outta Control fire)

When Chris and I got done at Topaz Mountain we went to find our camp spot. Chris said he had one in mind but when we got there it was already taken so we kept driving and ended up finding the perfect spot. We didn't like how the fire pit was so we built a new one and it was a lot of fun. We had so hot dogs s'mores and margaritas while we relaxed by the fire! It was such a perfect night and I am so glad I got to spend it with Chris!! 

THURSDAY:

 (The view on the way to the Geodes Dugout)

(Old mail station on the Pony Express Highway)

When we got up the next day we decided to go to the geodes dugout! It was just an hour away from Topaz so we thought why not. We got there and there was only two other people there and they were looking in a different place the Chris and I. We found so many really pretty Geodes and it was just SO much fun! I want to go back really soon and get more. When we were done we decided to take the long way home on the Pony Express Highway! It was so cool seeing all the old places and tiny towns! I'm glad we went the back way. On the way we stopped at Ophir to look at the old mines! We hiked all the way up and checked a few out. I love that Chris is really adventurous!! I don't know if we would work as good if he wasn't! 

FRIDAY:

(Kisses for the Birthday boy with our free hats haha)

  (Yes I rode the bull!)

(Scott and Lisa dancing)

 (Chase and Brit Dancing)

 (Chris and I dancing)

Friday was the big party day. Chris came and got me and we went back to his house to hang out and clean our rocks! After that we got ready and went to The Cheesecake Factory. Well the line there was way to long so we went over to the Red Rock Brewery and ate there! Awesome people that came to dinner: Carissa, Aaron, Scott, Lisa, Britney, Chase, Heidi, Ainsley, and Andy! After dinner everyone but Ainsley and Heidi came back to my house for some preshots before the bar! We met Ashleigh, Joe, Meagan and Beau at my place for drinks! Than we headed to The Westerner where we met Jody, Jim, Brandon, Maloree and Kevin!! It was so much fun and I can't wait to get everyone together again like that!

Overall Chris had a great birthday and I just wanna say thank you to everyone that made it so perfect! We have so very amazing people in our lives!

Chris' Birthday!!

So for Chris' birthday I decided I wanted to do something really special for him and that would mean a lot. I did a bunch of looking and I finally found two ideas that I liked a lot so I mixed them and did both!

52 reasons why I love you!!

The first part was a normal deck of cards that I had made into a fun gift. I took the deck and printed off 52 reason why I love Chris and put them on each of the cards and used binder rings to hold the cards together. I wanted to make it my own so I decorated the cards.

(I used a different kinda deck cause I didn't want a normal one.)

All about you basket

I saw this idea and I just thought it was adorable. A lady made a list of what she loved about her husband and then got a basket and picked a few to make a gift outta. That's where I got the idea of using the cards to tie in with this gift. So I picked some of my favorites and made a gift baskets full of stuff. 

#18. You take me to hockey games

(The hockey season was over so I made a cute rain check!)

#39. You have a great bubble butt.

(I got him some bubbles, it was just a playful thing to throw in there)

#42. We don't always have to spend money to have fun.

(Chris really needed a new wallet so I loved this one. I got him a Flyers wallet and filled it with cute notes and such! He loved it!!) 

#1. You are my best friend.

(I love that Chris is truly my best friend and we have so much fun together. I got a picture stand and I put a fun picture of us in it.)

#34. You share your clothes with me.

(Chris always lets me wear his clothes and I love it! I got him a new outfit for this one. He looks adorable in it)

#7. You love to fish.

(Chris is a big fisher and I love it! I know he will probably never use this but it's more the thought that counts.)

 #28. You have the all time best smile.

(I got him a little mouth wash and tooth paste. This one was just another fun one! I am crazy about the kids smile!! It's the best)

#36. You love pasta.

(Chris' favorite food is pasta so I decided to get him makings for one and make him dinner with it.)

#14 you like to kick your feet up and have a few drinks.

(Chris' favorite drink is jack and coke but he already had a lot of that so I decided to get him so Jose Cuervo and some mix because he loves the Jose Cuervo song! I love that he likes to have a few drinks but only at appropriate times.)

 #25. You light up my life.

(I got him a flash light that is his favorite color)

#49. You have a cute love for peanut butter.

(Haha I think Chris could live off of this stuff so I just got him a jar of it)

#51. You are very handsome.

(I don't know why I didn't get a picture of this but I took a piece of a mirror glued it on some paper and wrote "look here" and such.) 

#24. You play a killer game of hockey.

#31. You love my crafty things.

(I just had that one the entire gift) 

 (I didn't get a picture of this one either but I got him a hockey puck and wrote cute things all over it)

I also got him some more rain checks but I didn't take pictures :/

#16. You love country music.

(We are going to see Toby Keith on June 14th)

#33. You watch movies with me.

(I offered to pay for the next few Red Boxes because we watch SO many)

#44. Your feet are the only feet I have ever liked, they are adorable.

(I'm buying him some shoes but I needed him to be there so I just made a rain check for it)

(The box I put it all in)

Chris loved his gift! I felt so good about it as well. It was a lot of fun to do and I highly suggest doing something like it :)  

Big Gulps!!

TUESDAY: Hello wonderful girls day! So Tuesday Whit, Brit and I went to City Creek, the new mall here in Salt Lake. It was a lot of fun. We decided to talk like British people and it was a hoot. We seriously laughed so hard and the dumb looks and the things that we said to people. We had lovely cocktails in our Big Gulp cups cause Utah is pretty lame haha. Later that night we went back to my house to all hang out and have a few more drinks. I love getting together with my girlies and just having a blast being our silly girlie-ness. 

 City Creek

 Love her!!

 Whit Cat && Kenz Moo

WEDNESDAY: Ah my awesome lazy day!! I stayed home in a jeans a t-shirt with no makeup and watched Hannah Montana, Wizards Of Waverly Place and Suite Life On Deck... Yeah I am that cool. Chris came over later that night and we just relaxed and had Kenzie, Chris time!! 

THURSDAY: I went with Miss Whitney to the dog park and then over to the human park for some old time swinging! It reminded me so much of High School being back at that park with Whitney. I love hanging out with Whit cause we can pretty much talk about anything and we are so alike. Later Whit took me over to Chris' house and I watched Chopped and colored while he studied. I don't ever care what Chris and I are doing, it's always great to be with him!

FRIDAY: Ah big double date day! So Sarah and I got together and went shopping and made all the plans for a date for Chris and Ben. We went and Saw The Hunger Games and after we went to a BBQ place to eat. After the date Chris and I went on a hunt for my work shirt fun haha. We went to his house and just had another Kenzie and Chris movie night!!
SATURDAY: What a fun day! It was my first day of the new job and I loved it. The people there are all way nice and they really train you good before you have to go out on your own.  After Work Chris came and got me and we went to the store to buy stuff for our amazing dinner. We also stopped and got a Jamba and went to the church to play some street hockey. After that we went to Scott and Lisa's to watch the girls. Watching them was so much fun, Lauren gets so excited and it makes me so happy! When they got back we all sat around for a few drinks and to talk. I love Chris' family :)

 That's all ladies and gents!

All About Chris & our relationship!

Basics!

What's his name? Christopher Gayle York  
How old is he? 20 
When's his birthday? May 1, 1991  
How long have you been together? Almost 6 months (plus a year 4 years ago haha)   
How did you meet? Mike Brown and Brighton Hockey 

Firsts!   

First kiss?It was in his basement and we were with Mikey and Karlie watching Chainsaw Massacre. Karlie and Mike went upstairs and kept yelling down kiss and oh lets leave them alone and all this dumb stuff so we did it we kissed haha. It was nice! 

 First slow Dance: Our first slow dance was to You and Me by Lifehouse

First song: Guardian Angel   

Lovey Stuff!  
What do you like about him? Ha Everything!

    Is there anything you don't like about him? When he wears his brown shoes with black outfits!!!

What was his most romantic gesture? He does amazing cute stuff all the time but probably last week when he surprised me by taking me to the Hot Springs. He even packed my bikini and everything without letting me find out! SO cute!!   
Does he have any special nicknames for you? LP, Babe and Kris   
Do you have any for him? BP, Chris-T-Fer, Tris and Bebe    
If you were to give him an award for something what would it be? The best friend and best boyfriend award oh and the smartest kid award! 

Is the relationship getting serious? Very   
Has he proposed? NO! And he wont for awhile :)  
Has he told you he loves you? He said it before I did!!  
Do you have a song? A few... A women Like You Lee Brice, Back Road, Rodney Atkins, Chicken and Biscuits Colt Ford, Fish Craig Campbell, Fishing In The Dark and Guardian Angel Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.       Is there anything he has done for you that he wouldnt do for another person? Many things! :)   
How tall is he? 5'10     
What color is his hair? Blonde  
How long is his hair? a 4 on the clippers! I cut it haha.  
What color are his eyes? A beautiful blue with a tiny bit of gray  
Does he have any tattoos or piercings? Nope     
Have you met his family? All of them!  
What is his family like? A bunch of fun!  
Has he met your family? Yes  
Does your family like him? Love him  
What 5 words best describe him? Caring, honest, handsome, smart, amazing   
What are at least 3 of his favorite things? Hockey, Peanut Butter and ME!  
 His Favorites!
What is his favorite movie? Miracle    
What is his favorite TV show? The Big Bang Theory    
Who is his favorite actor/actress? I don't think he has one     
His favorite song? Probably something by Colt Ford haha  
His favorite thing about your personality? I'm adventurous    
Which of your features is his favorite? I wanna say smile... but I don't know   
Whats his favorite color? He doesn't have one but if he had to pick it would be blue   
Whats his favorite cologne? Areo

Random!!    
Have you ever cried over him? Yes   
Is he there when you need him most? Always!!   
Can you trust him? With my entire heart   
Have you ever kissed in the rain? Yes   
Has he ever written anything for you? Cute notes  
Do you have any of his clothes? More than I should   
Have you guys ever taken a nap together? Almost every night  
Have you ever spent the night together? Yes       
How does he make you feel when the two of you are together? Like nothing in this world can hurt me or bring me down, I love it!   
Does he know your biggest secret? He knows all of them   
Has he ever cheated? No way!!!!        
Does he know your favorite flower? He learned it last night!     
What is your favorite part of his appearance? His smile and eyes   
What is your favorite part of his personality? His humor!    
Is there something he does that you don't approve of? Nope   
Is there something you do that he doesn't approve of? Nope   
If there is one, what is the biggest problem in your relationship? Not enough adventure time! Summer hurry up so we have lots :)    

Future!
Do you see yourself with him in the next five years? Yes  
Can you see yourself marrying him? Yuppies   
Have you discussed children? Maybe haha but wont have any for such along time!!!    
If so have you picked out names? I have haha   
Have you discussed marriage? Somewhat   
Do you have plans of living together? YES!    
Do you think you two have a chance of making it? Of course!   
What does he want to do with his life? Make a difference in the world and be an environmental engineer!      Where do you plan on living? Utah   
Have you decided if you want pets? An Alaskan Malamute and a beagle!   
Do the two of you have a dream house in mind? It's on pintrest!     
If you do plan on getting married, where would you like it to take place? In the mountains    
Do you have your wedding planned? I do thanks to pintrest!

Complete each statement
I love it when he: Hold me  
When we're apart I: miss him, but I'm fine   
I can't stand the thought of: Losing him  
I'm really hoping that: I spend my life with him  
I'd never: Hurt him like I did in the past.
With him I'm always: Laughing  
The greatest gift I've ever given him was: A book about him and a buck knife.  
The greatest gift he's ever given me was: The necklace he made me  
I'll never be able to forget the time: He first said the words   
I just want him to know: I love him SO much!!