On My Mind

Life...

Has been on my mind a lot lately, like what is going to happen in it and what am I going to do.

PLANS: I plan on working this summer and saving as much money as I can for School in the Fall. I want to go to SLCC for two years and switch over to The U for the rest of my teaching degree. I will stay at The U for two years then I will get a job at a school as a first grade teacher and stay for another two years at The U earning my Masters. Why First Grade Teacher?! I have though really long and hard about what I want to do. I wasn't able to go to college right outta High School because of my health issues I was having so I had a lot of time to really thing of what I wanted to do. For a while I wanted to be a Child Physiologist because I have been through a lot in my life and I feel like I could help children get past some life problems. Almost all my friends come to me for advice and I love to help them out. I decided not to choose that career because I feel like after awhile it could bring me down hearing kids problems, that's when I decided to look into teaching. At first I couldn't decide between first grade or special ed high school. I did a lot of research and thinking and I decided I would be best at first grade. I'm great with kids and I wanna make a difference in their life's even though they might not remember me I know I made a difference!

CHRIS...

I don't think he ever leaves my mind.

 Chris is always in my mind but lately I have been thinking about him a lot. We have had a rough patch lately but it has just been a bump and it is passing. These rough patches only help us get to know each other more and grow stronger. Chris makes me smile in my lowest times and no one has been able to do that before. There are times when I want to kill him be overall I really love him. I honestly don't think I could find someone that loves me as much as he does. He puts up with so much and still smiles and sticks around. Yeah I have to put up with some of his stuff but it doesn't match up yo my pain in the ass-ness haha. He has been away the past few days and it has given me time to think about him and how truly lucky I am to have him. I know everyone says that about their boyfriends but I really mean it. When I try and think of life without him it kills me. He is what brings out the happiness in me! I hope he sees how happy he makes me and I hope I make him just as happy :) :)

KOOPA...

Somebody that I used to know.

Alright so my new favorite song is Somebody I used to know by Gotye. There is just one problem with the song. It really makes me think of someone.... The song describes us perfectly. I wish this person would realize that I care for them still and that I wanna move on and be friends. We always promised each other that we would remain best friends no matter what happens. I wish people would keep their promises or just not make them. It hurts that they just completely dropped me and now treats me like I don't exist. I saw this person last week for the first time in months and I didn't feel hurt because we aren't what we once were but I was hurt because we aren't what we promised.  I'm so happy with my life right now and I can see that they are happy with theirs too! I don't see why we can't be friends. I'm over what happened and I've moved on, but I want things to go back to how they were 9th grade summer, I want you to be my friend Koopa! If you ever read this (doubt it) I hope that you come to realize I'm not trying any funny business I'm being completely honest! I'm sick of pretending I don't care about you because I do.. JUST AS A FRIEND.... I just don't want to be somebody that you used to know.... These lyrics fit perfect!

Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

MY HEALTH

I just wanna figure it out

Beginning: So I don't think I have ever blogged about my heath so here I go.. Some summers ago I went to St. George with Brian. On the way home I fell asleep in the car. When I woke up I saw weird little spotty things in my right eye, I just ignored it. A few months passed and the little spots were getting bigger, I was too busy with life to care though. Finally two months passed and my vision was really blurry so I told my mom about it. She said we will go in. I ended up just moving on and not going in (I'm dumb) another few months passed and I had gone completely blind in my right eye. Finally my mom made an appointment with my doctor. We went in and my doctor looked at it and said that I need to go up to the Moran Center and see doctor Vitlie because he is the best in Utah. Well I went there and he looked at it and was shocked at how bad it was. I did a bunch of test and found out that I have Uvites. One problem though, Uvites is only caused by something else like MS or Lupis. So many tests: The next year of my life was HELL!! I was ALWAYS sick, no not just sometimes always. I would blackout and pass out. Sometimes my body would just give up and I would stay in bed all day. Every week I would go to a new doctor and be tested with EVERYTHING and nothing ever came up. Doctors were so confused by what was going on with me they would always send me to a new doctor. Almost every doctor would guess Lupis because I have the symptoms and it runs in both sides of the family but the test came back negative. They put me on the meds that made my vision come back but it was only getting rid of the vision lose not fixing the problem. Now: I still get sick and my vesion is once again getting bad. I honestly don't know what to do?! I'm not as bad as I was a year ago but every now and then the pains and the sickness comes back. I have been really worried about it lately..... It keeps me up at night and just scares me. Having something wrong with you that is this serious but you don't know what it is SUCKS!! I just want someone to find out what wrong with me!

SO MUCH MORE

I'm going crazy haha.

 My mind honestly wont stop thinking about EVERYTHING. I know I'm over thinking a bunch of things but I really can't help it. I have so much more on my mind but the other stuff is just little stuff like finding a freaking job haha. The stuff I mentioned above is the main stuff that's on my mind! I just needed to get it all outta my head! Sorry if it was boring! 

That's all folks! Have a great day/night!! :)

Spring Break!

THURSDAY: Yay I finally got Chris to go with me to 80's night! We went with Sarah and Ben and it was a lot of fun! I love going out and doing a lot of new fun things together. Before 80's night I hung out with Ben and made him watch Vampire Diaries and he loved it. While we were there we ran into Maddie and Steph and it was good to see them. I hope to go out and do this again.

My adorable 80's boy!

 The fun group! 

FRIDAY: I had a photoshoot during the day with a great photographer RYAN HOUSTON who I would for sure work with again. We just went to Murray Park down the street and it was a great place to shoot. Later that night Sarah and I went to Chris' house with Ben and Chris for dinner. The boy made us pasta and it was amazing. We watched the movie Jack and Jill and it was horrible. Ben and Sarah left and Chris and I just

had a good time and hung out.

SATURDAY: We went to Ashleigh's to see baby Kashton and hang out with the family. I always love going up to see the family. It was so funny Payton grew a new love for Chris and would not leave him alone. She kept telling me that Chris is her boyfriend not mine haha.

SUNDAY: Was a nice relaxing day that both Chris and I really needed. We played games at the park and with Chris' parents outside. It was really fun and I would LOVE to do it again. Mikey and McCall came over later and we played games and just hung out! I miss Mikey like crazy and I wish he would come around more! 

MONDAY: AHHH Monday was amazing! I hung out with Chris all day, in the morning we went over to Lone Start to get their yummy tacos! After that we went to the store to get S'more stuff and hotdogs. We stopped at my house for a bit and then went up to Utah Lake. We at first parked and took a hike to find the perfect spot once we did we brought the car up. The wind sucked but other then that it was perfect. We gathered fire wood and had a killer fire. I loved spending that alone time in the nature with Chris and I can't wait to do it again.  Later that night it go really dark and we are pretty sure Man-Bear-Pig was at our camp so we took off. After we came back to my house and just relaxed! Chris really is the perfect guy for me and I love it! I wouldn't trade him for anything! 

 My sexy man!

 Our awesome fire!

 The view!!

 My love!! 

TUESDAY:  SUCKED! Chris and I got in our first really bad fight. I wasn't thinking and I pushed when I shouldn't have. We decided to stop the fight and just talk Wednesday and ignore it. Right before he left he said that he couldn't leave me and such so we talked it out and he shared what was wrong and I shared why I was upset. We both have been opening up more and our relationship is going a lot better. 

WEDNESDAY: Ah so I didn't think Chris was coming over so I was having a lazy day in my PJ's and Chris ended up surprising me and coming over. So he came over and we hung out here and just had a great day being us. We went back to his house and I finally felt like we were us again. I am so glad things worked out. 

THURSDAY: I had a nice fun day with the the dogs outside and I was in a great mood. Chris came over and said he had a surprise for me. So we left and he ended up taking me to our secret place that looks over the city! We haven't been able to go there since summer and now it was finally warm enough to go. After that we went to Chris' house for another great night together and I got to see my Avs win in a great game! 

Playing with my cute dog!

I love him!

 Happiness! <3

FRIDAY: Sarah came and got me and we went tanning and ran some errands. Later that night we went to Sarah friends to hang out and just have some fun. Sarah is such a fun girl I love doing stuff with her! Chris is in Dallas right now doing some school stuff because he is amazing! I miss him lots! 

That is all I have to write right now! Tonight should be a great night and you should be hearing about it soon! Love me!!

When dark I have the best kinda light

The post is about the most important people in my life! It's not it any order because ALL of them have their own place in my heart (cheesy but true)!!

MY FAMILY

This group of people have gotten me through everything in my life! I am so thankful to have a family that is as close as mine! I couldn't ask for a better one, yeah we fight and we have a troubles but in the end we are always there for each other. I don't think anything can tear us apart and I am SO thankful for that! My Mom, is the strongest most amazing women I have ever met and I know I can go to her for anything! To be able to talk to your mom about any of your problems is the best gift in life you could ask for! My Step Dad, is the most amazing man in my life and I plan on that never changing. I hope I marry someone just like him!! He has taught me everything I know From how to build stuff to things about life! I'm the biggest daddy's girl and I wouldn't want it any other way!! My Real Dad, hasn't always been there for me but he really is now and I thank him for that! Watching what he has gone through and how he has changed into a better person shows me that anyone can change for the best, they just need a little help! My Sister, is my best friend that never walked away! I love her so much and she has helped me through some of my hardest times that everyone else walked away from! She is an amazing person! We fight like normal sisters but we diffidently love like best friends! My Brother, doesn't always talk to me when I have troubles but I could be mad and go hang out with him and all my troubles go away. When I was younger and there would be a fight going on in the house I would always go into his room and hang out with him and forget about the fight! He is an amazing person and I don't know what I would do without him! Maloree and Joe, are my sister and brothers other half and I love them so very much! They mean just as much time to me as my real family and I can't wait for both of them to officially join the family! I love everyone in my family and I will always love them!! 

SARAH BASSO

[My Gummy Bear Best Friend]

 Okay this girl is simply amazing and one of the greatest friends I have ever had! She really helps me through so much!!!! I love that I know I matter around this girl and that I am important to her in many ways. I love the feeling that if I have a bad day I know I can count on her for being there for me! She is a great girl and any person would be lucky to have her in their life! 

BEN ROBINSON

[My love//hate friend]

 Ben is new to the awesome friendship box of Kenzie haha! I love that Ben always knows if something is wrong and he will cheer me up right away! He is also a ton of fun to be around and I am very glad I have him in my life!! Oh PS I hate him haha :)

HEIDI BERGESON

[Always there friend]

When I really feel alone and like I don't have anyone I know Heidi will always be there. She is such a great friend and she is also always doing whatever she can to be there for her friends! If you have this girl in your life you are really lucky because she will do whatever possible to make the people around her happy! I also love talking to hockey about her, it's an awesome common interest we have! 

WHITNEY WILDE

[long-term friend]

 

Whitney is the type of friend you can go months without seeing but then when you hang out it's like we have been hanging out everyday! She honestly is a lot like me and I think that's why we get along so good but people hate us. Most of my favorite High School memories are with this girl! I love when we hang out because I forget every trouble I have in my life and I get to be my complete self! We honestly don't care what people think about us, we even walked around Hillcrest with Tampons in our noses! I think that says a lot haha. I know Whit and I will never fade and that's a great feeling. 

BRITNEY LEON

[Blood friend]

I love that I can say Britney isn't just my cousin, she is one of my closest friends and I cherish that. I love getting together with this girl and doing whatever. We could be sitting at her house curled up in her bed watching Disney Channel and have a complete blast, or we could get dolled up and go out and have a blast as well. I love that I can talk to this girl about anything and she gives the best advice! I'm glad she is my friend and family!!

KOURTNEY ORR

[Always growing friend]

 This girl is one of my favorite people! We fade and we come back strong and never miss a beat! I love just going with her and driving around in her car! One of my favorite memories with her was driving around looking for Bumble Bee talking about life after she took me to see Transformers! I know I can always count on Kourtney if I'm lost or stuck anywhere! Every time I hear the song "You find out who your friends are" I think of her because it describes her perfectly. 

PAUL BLACK

[family friend]

Paul has been in my family for such along time and has always been there for me and my siblings. I know if I ever needed anything I could ask Paul and he would gladly help me out! He is one of the most amazing guys I have ever met and I will never forget him! I may not talk to Paul all the time but he is very important to me!

CHRIS YORK

[The boyfriend//best friend]

 

 Where do I start with this kid. Chris has been there for me through everything and I am so thankful for him. No Chris and I aren't a perfect couple and we fight and have our issues but in the end we are always there for each other. I really don't know what I would do without him in my life and that's why I know he will always be in it. If for some reason in the future we break up I know we will be best friends. I have said that with some of my past relationships but this time it is different. I really tell this kid everything and I can be my complete self around him. I love that if I have a bad day he will do whatever he can to cheer me up. I also love that we can do nothing with each other but yet still have a great time.

The people I have listed above aren't the only ones that have made an impact on my life! Many other have and you guys know who you are! I am so thankful for everyone in my life! I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend, family or friends! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!

Kashton Thomas, our new little monster!!

I gladly welcome little baby Kashton to the world!!

Kashton was born on March 6, 2012 at 12:09 to mommy Ashleigh Lofthouse (Sister), daddy Joe Koontz, and big sister Payton Koontz!! He weighed 8.7 pounds (I won, I said he would weigh 8.8) and he was 19' long! Kashton is a gift to Ash and Joe, the doctors told them that they wouldn't be able to have another baby and they tried for 3 years and finally it happened! Kashton is SO sweet and so sleepy haha. I already love him with ALL my heart and I can't wait to see him grow up. Little Payton is still getting use to not being the only one and having to share the spotlight but she is doing very well and I am very proud of her. The Barton Grandparents are in town for little Kash and it was great to see them, I miss them a lot. I'm so happy that Kashton came so fast and so healthy! I love my new baby Nephew!! 

Learning he is a boy!! So happy I got to be there :)

 Kashton's room is themed, Where the Wild Things Are

"I'll eat you up, I love you so"

Sweet Boy!! 

 Such a good big sister Bug is!!

I love giving him kisses!

 I love him with ALL my heart!

 I can't wait to post more about Kashton! Enjoy your day!!

I sometimes feel the need to brag!

Alrighty so Chris was outta town this last weekend and I asked him to do me a favor. I told him to not call of write me or anything to have a great time with his friends and I will see him at home.Well before he left I told him that I don't think I could see him anymore because he can't open up to me in the way that I need and want. SO I told him to think of that on his long plane ride. He came home Sunday but I didn't get to see him so I wrote him and he got on and we talked. He told me that while he was gone he realized that he needs me in his life and he doesn't want to lose me. This made me really happy but I still wanted to wait to decide if we would be together or not. So on Monday when he came over we didn't really have much alone time but the time we did get we talked. He really opened up to me in way he NEVER has. He shared with me that I'm exactly the type of girl he wants and that he loves just being with me and I make him really happy and he would never want us to end. We didn't get to finish our conversation until Tuesday night, he completely opened up and told me things that I have dreamed about. He shared some of the most amazing things I have never heard from anyone.. As you probably know we wont be breaking up and I honestly don't think we will for a REALLY  long time. I never knew I made him this happy so hearing it was absolutely amazing and I never wanna lose the way I feel right now. I had to share this because I think I am the happiest girl alive! I hope he knows that it's not just me that makes him happy it's him that makes me happy as well! I hope you all get lucky or are as lucky as I am to have someone like Chris is my life. He always turns to me and tells me, "Kenzie, you aren't just my girlfriend you are my best friend and if for some reason we break up I wanna stay your best friend, I never wanna be less than that." That's how relationships should be! Have a great day :)

 Laughing four years ago.....

 Joking Around four years ago.....

 Loving Each Other four years ago...

I am so glad he is mine again so I can share all the things with him that we use to share but have an even stronger true love!! 

Laughing!!

 Joking Around

Loving Each Other!!

  Chris & Kenzie then, Chris & Kenzie now!!

Mellow Yellow!

THURSDAY: So I spent the night with Chris and it was great!! LATER: I had an emotional break down and Sarah came all the way over to give me a hug and make sure I was okay!! She is such a great friend!

FRIDAY: Friday was such a fun day! I hung out with Sarah and we just joked around and had fun. Later we went to Steffan's birthday party! Sarah and I were one of the firsts ones there so we just hung out and started drinking! All of my favorite people showed up and it was such a blast. My ex Brian was there with his new girlfriend and it felt amazing being able to be in the same room as him and not feel a single thing for him! I could careless if he was there or not. It was the first time I had seen him in about a year and it didn't bug me at all, I feel so good about myself! I am so happy I am finally fully moved on!! It's a magical feeling!!

 My handsome Benny Boy!

 Dancing!

 Dancing with the birthday boy!!

 I adore Carly SO much and I made a new friend!

Great Friends!

SATURDAY: Was my sisters birthday! YAY Happy Birthday!!!I had a lazy day and just went over to Jaek's with Sarah! We watched Lady Gaga, smoked hookah and just had a relaxing night!

SUNDAY: We went down to Eagle Mountain for Ash's baby shower/house warming/Birthday party. We picked up Olyvia on the way there so she could come too. The party was a lot of fun!! Olyvia came home with me and later we hung out with Sarah and went to Jaek's again to watch WEEDS have pizza and just chill! 

MONDAY: Livy and I went tanning with Sarah and Jaek and then just went back home to get ready and watch some TV. After we got ready we ran some errands. Chelsea came over and later followed by Chris, we went to the Huka Bar but decided to go back to my house, we picked Ben up at the Lounge!. Chris had to go home and so did Chelsea so Livy, Sarah, Jaek, Ben and I went to eat! The dumb lady took forever with my drink and I was very angry haha. Ben ended up paying for my drink and it was VERY nice of him. Now I am sitting in my bed missing Chris like crazy haha. Well I will write again soon! Have a great day and or night :)